Why do relationships often fail…
I often hear: ”We had such a great relationship but then I don’t know what happened? S/he don’t want to be with me any longer.”
The real underlying problem here is that most people are not really willing to learn the ART of Relationships. A relationship is for many, just something that happens without any awareness about it.
All relationships are ultimately just a reflection of what kind of relationship you have with yourself.
Therefore, it’s a valid question to ask – how is your relationship with yourself? Are you living in your head, listening to your own thoughts and mind or can you also be connected and listen to the voice of your body? Can you feel sensations in your body, or have you numbed yourself out from these sensations by constantly living in your head?
It’s not wondering that we see an increased phenomenon of people being burned out… A problem that targets many women. Did you know that according to statistics from the Swedish Försäkringskassan – the risk for women to be affected by stress-related problems is 41 percent higher than it is for men?
Personally, I believe there is a reason why this is happening… the clue is to understand the difference in how we are impacted by being in our masculine versus feminine energy. Since most women are out of alignment with their feminine energy, these statistics may speak to something important… Women have in their lives and careers been great in cultivating masculine energy. It’s wonderful if you want to achieve goals, become more effective, strategic, and logical… but it’s all strengthening masculine energy and expression of you. While it’s perfect for your career it may be a disaster for your relationships.
That’s one of the reasons why many women often end up in unsatisfying relationships… or remain single long time in their life…even giving up saying a man is not for them. Simply because they haven’t understood what it means to truly embody feminine energy. That happens by tapping into the wisdom of your body.
The ART of being in your body – being able to feel and express sensation is an expression of your capacity to be in your feminine energy. It’s not going to the gym while listening to music and numbing yourself out from the sensations – instead it’s going to the gym as a meditation.
Feeling the movements, feeling the pain, enjoying movements of pleasure. This is the way to connect to your body…If you do yoga, feeling and becoming aware of how your body is out of alignment and the pleasure when you master the movement … sensing the expansion in your body. That’s the ART of sensation.
The more you connect to your body, the more it becomes possible to feel all these feelings that are resting in your body’s cellular memory.… and here is where we come to your expression in relationships since your body has cellular memories from past relationships. Memories you may not even be aware of if you don’t have the capacity to feel the information that is stored in your body.
I know how this was once in my life. When I learned to connect to my body, it didn’t feel fun at all since it was basically just a lot of pain. No wonder it was more convenient to live in the head! Being in the body was just very painful. I trained in Ayurvedic Yoga Massage for being able to connect to other people’s bodies, learning that it was possible to bring a person from the thoughts in their head into the sensations of their body. Through the practice of orgasmic meditation, I started to understand the fine distinction between pleasure and pain but I also started to experience and to be able to feel – my central nervous system. I could feel how it was stressed if I didn’t do orgasmic meditation. I could feel how it became calm and relaxed after a practice session. I had started a new path in my life – to learn the ART of being in a relationship with sensations. That’s a very intimate form of connecting with yourself!
This is why I’m so passionate about teaching women and men that choosing and being in a relationship, is ultimately a reflection of the connection you can have with yourself. You can take your relationship to more pleasure and connection when you acknowledge the simple fact that you also need to be able to handle the feeling of disconnection and pain.
What in this relationship is causing me suffering and pain? What in this relationship is causing me pleasure, joy, and happiness? Instead of focusing on the pain and problem, you can choose to focus on what the relationship gives to you. If the relationship constantly is causing you suffering and pain, then there might be a reason to move on… but often when we think we suffer, we tend to forget about listening in to our body – what is this pain telling us? What is it in me that wants to be expressed? What am I not articulating? How can I communicate my pain in a winning way?
If a relationship can start from that awareness, you will be able to communicate your true desires and needs. But it’s a skill to learn… and the more you do it, the better you will feel about it – because you will notice that it increase the connection and communion between you and a partner.