Should you leave or should you stay?

Sometimes you just need to know when enough is enough. You constantly feel that you are selling out your power. There is something inside of you that wants to be brought to the world, but it feels like it can’t happen for you, being and staying in this relationship. 

You wonder when and if it’s time to break up and leave? That’s a tricky question to master. If you have children together it’s even more pertinent, since your mood and way of being becomes a role model for them.

If you are a woman, do you truly feel loved, adored and cherished? Do you feel that you are met by your man with his full heart? Do you feel that it’s a relationship that truly nourish your feminine?

If you are a man, do you feel that you are received in your full power? Do you feel seen and respected by your woman? Do you feel that it’s a relationship where you feel adored in your masculine? 

Maybe you have convinced yourself that you are equal partners in the relationship and that you have a great life together living the society’s norm that there should be a gender balance? On the outside it all look great, but deep inside you have the nagging feeling that something is wrong. 

I know this feeling since it was how I used to feel… even though it’s now long time ago and feels like a past life, I can still recall the feeling. You are in a relationship that just seemed to happen and now you are standing there without the knowledge and tools for how to transform this into the relationship you truly want and desire.

The real problem is that you probably have no idea of what you truly desire? You might be disconnected from your wants and desires, since there are things you don’t talk about in the relationships…. You know how you like your sex life to be and feel like…. or being aware of how you are spending your money…. 

Sex and money are the two biggest taboo topic’s to talk about in our culture and there is a reason for that since they are both connected to deep desires that you have… But you might not be aware of how they want to be expressed in your life. Not wondering that problem in one of this area often is a reason for a divorce.

You see most people they don’t start to reflect on their relationship until they have had a breakup from a partner…. And usually not even then they are ready and willing to learn about relationships because in the best case scenario, you find a new passion and it’s very easy to blindly engage in a new partner again…. Repeating the same mistake over and over again… Without the necessary learning.

This is the situation for most couples. Girl meet boy or woman meet a man and they form a relationship that is based on our notion from the medieval time – the romantic idea of love. 

We think love is about passion. We think it’s about feeling the dramas and traumas that are caused by our partner actions. The actions that triggers our attachment system and as a result it become vigilant… And we can feel our anxiety and think it’s an expression of love.

But love is also about feeling safe. It’s just one thing, in relationship feeling safe the whole time without excitement will result in a very boring life. 

And maybe this is where you got… the relationship becomes so stagnant that it became boring without excitement?

Therefore you wonder – is this it? Is this the feeling of how it is in a successful relationship? Yes, you can see the result of what you have achieved together in your career, it’s built in the material external world that you have created: house, kids, cars, a second home…. It all together with your hectic work load, keeps you busy from being connected from your inner feelings. 

And then on and off you got a glimpse of it, and you wonder if there is something wrong with you and why you feel this way?

Let me tell you what’s the real problem, the solution is to be found in the article linked to in this post. You see what’s critical for your feeling of being successful is that you grow your self-awareness. 

As we learn from the research presented, 95% of people think they are self-aware. However, in a series of survey it’s found that only 10-15% truly are. 

Here we have the real problem to people’s nagging feeling of being out of happiness – they don’t have the internal self-awareness to be able to understand themselves, their values, passions and needs… 

Deep here lies the real problem. If you don’t know who you truly are and what you represent, you in fact have a very disturbing relationship with yourself. Not wondering that you then have a problem to create a loving relationship that makes you truly happy. 

Now, in this post I don’t talk to the 95% who seems to be unwilling to face their fears, turn inside out of themselves to create a more happier and satisfying life for themselves and in their relationship. Instead I’m talking to the 5-15 % of you who indeed are ready. 

If I would have stayed in my marriage once upon a time in life, I wouldn’t have become a PhD, a pioneer representing professional coaching in Sweden, a leadership breakthrough coach and a relationship educator. It’s my life experiences that created me to become who I am!

Now the solution might not always be to break away from relationships to create the life you truly want and desire. I had to do this once, because I didn’t know about anything else. I was young. It was a time before coaching as a profession even was established. I wasn’t self-aware, and neither my ex-husband. Instead of being able to solve what was between us, I wanted out to find myself in an independent lifestyle. 

Reflecting back, did it make me happier? I don’t think so. I still think my husband was a very good man. The problem was the lack of relationship I had with myself. Since I didn’t truly love myself at that time in my life, I wasn’t neither capable to receive love. 

And there was a reason for that – I wasn’t connected to my feminine. Even though many of my friends at that time would have seen me being more feminine than them, it’s the energy of what you are expressing. You see for being able to create true love and attraction, you got to be able to understand the polarity play that is possible when you learn about the masculine and feminine energy. Here you have the real success point for a thriving relationship.

Now, don’t let your relationship be destroyed by just sitting there and waiting, and by indulging more and more in work… It’s actually possible to educate yourself and get all the knowledge needed for being more proactive and responsible for creating a thriving relationship. 

Maybe you are like I was, thinking that it has to be – either or. It’s not possible to build my empire and be in a relationship. You think you are too busy for investing your time… so relationship has to come later. Just know this is one of your avoidance strategies for keeping yourself out of being emotionally involved. The avoidance is there because you are secretly fearing what it means to truly indulge yourself in nourishing love. 

Imagine that you would work with me, becoming more self-aware, cultivating your needs and desires, improving your pattern of behavior in relationships…. Who would you become, considering that you now are representing a fraction of the 15% of the population that according to research studies are self-aware?

What can we learn from my previous clients and students that have met me during their path in life? Knowing who they truly are and what they want they have been taking the necessary steps to become successful politicians and leaders in organizations where they really are making a significant impact changing this world to a better place… They quit jobs they hated, to bring new careers doing what they love, and making money from it. 

An amazing thing, they haven’t let their relationship suffer during this. Instead, they have through coaching with me obtained the necessary tools needed for creating the dream situation of how they want, first and foremost in relationship with themselves, and secondly in the awareness that they from now on know what they truly desire in a partner.